The Journal of FreeDragon

Good morning, my dears. I am trying very hard to be a somewhat normal person. Dealing with my mother is a struggle. Yesterday, her neighbor called me because she wanted to pay her phone bill. She has paid the bill so many times that she now has a $105 credit.  She has no memory of the recent car accident. She doesn't understand why her truck won't start. She won't let me do her laundry. She thinks I empty the trash three times a week instead of once. I have decided to lean into my art. My fiber group started a sketchbook project. I picked the theme of horses. I put other things in the book, like quilt blocks, geometry, and Celtic knots  I have decided to work with the sketchbook every day. I am finding it difficult to settle my mind enough to sew. But I can spread paint on a page.  I may treat my sketchbook as a spell book. I could start doing art spells. If anyone sees me coloring next to a burning candle, they will just think I am trying to create positive vibes.  ...

 Yesterday was Wednesday, the day I struggle with the most. The most stressful of days. I found out my senile mother got scammed out of $244. She went in to pay her phone bill at Verizon. She encountered a Victra sales rep who convinced her to buy an e-commerce payment processor. She agreed because she thought she was paying the phone bill. I have not figured out what to do about this. The scam is not why I am writing. This morning I was scheduled for a mammogram, but they don't accept my insurance. The non-insurance price is $160. I have that much in cash, but I was supposed to use the money for something else. I tried a couple of things, but none panned out. So I rescheduled the appointment for six months out. That was the easiest solution. By that time I might have insurance that actually covers routine screenings and lets me pick the medical office where they have a well designed mammogram machine that can rotate in any direction and doesn't hurt.  Rescheduling made me fee...

 Tomorrow A LOT is happening. It's my husband's birthday. It's the Chinese New Year. The moon will still be new. The sun moves into the sign of Aquarius. I think it's Mardi Gras, meaning it's almost Lent, which I don't celebrate because I don't like giving up things that make life enjoyable, and if I am giving up a bad habit, I feel like after 40 days without, I'd be free. For me, Lent is more of a reminder that the Wheel stills turns. There's also several planets moving into Aries. It is the beginning of eclipse season. So as if the world isn't chaotic enough, prepare for even more. yay. But on the new moon, I draw a card to see what I should focus on. This time I got: 28. Feverfew. The card was reversed, but for some reason, my camera decided to turn the image sideways. I think the difficult time that I am already going through is my mother. This may be indicating a resource that I have overlooked.  Since I got up to take pictures of the card f...

 I put off going to my mother's house. I stayed in pj's and took some pain meds. I decided when my husband got home, he could go with me to help. My mother came here. She had been in a car accident. She said they ran a red light, and then left the scene. The police never showed up. I have since learned that was not true. She side swiped a car, probably because they were on her left side and she is blind in her left eye. It is extremely difficult to get any information out of her. She simply will not answer my questions. She pretends she can't hear. She changes the subject. She answers to what she believes I should have asked, rather than what I actually said. She lies. She changes her story mid sentence. There are witnesses. At least one called the police. At least one officer came to the scene. She left before anyone could talk to her.  Because I was dealing with the accident and trying to find out what happened, I did not empty the trash. The house smells bad again. Rotti...

 It's Wednesday again. Since last week was an absolute disaster, I really don't want to go to my mom's house. Yesterday was a medium pain day and day is a high pain day. I started doing some of the same exercises I did while doing physical therapy because I noticed the neck pain was becoming more frequent.  Either I over-did it, or things have started shifting into place, which hurts like hell. I can have small, annoying pain that gradually builds into mind-numbing pain over time, OR I can have intense pain that makes me want to vomit. If I push through the intense pain, eventually it lessens and I feel better. To complicate matters, it has been raining. Rain makes me ache. It's supposed to be cold again this weekend. Cold also makes me ache. I hurt. I am really angry about it.  Being hurt, angry, sick, resentful, and I don't even know what else, I don't want to go over to my mother's. Logic tells me this is a very bad idea. But if I don't go, things wil...

  I figured out what to do with the spiral. On impulse, I bought this light. I thought maybe it would help to attract attention to my booth when I do the craft fair. I decided to use the light in a good fortune/more sales spells. I will put the light on top of the spiral! It's perfect. I do need to cut the wire because the ends were the part that stuck into the wood, so they are longer than the feet.  I also figured out my sales table. I need to buy the crates today. Should have got them when I got the light, but I wasn't sure and I wanted to think about it a bit more.  A lot has happened since I last wrote. My mother has dementia. Every week, on the day before trash pick up, I go to her house and throw away all the fast food bags of rotting food. This past Wednesday, before going to her house, I went to my in-laws'.  They are hoarders. This is nothing new. What was new was the piles of trash all over the house. Instead of just emptying the trash, they gather it all ...