A Use For the Spiral

 

I figured out what to do with the spiral. On impulse, I bought this light. I thought maybe it would help to attract attention to my booth when I do the craft fair. I decided to use the light in a good fortune/more sales spells. I will put the light on top of the spiral! It's perfect. I do need to cut the wire because the ends were the part that stuck into the wood, so they are longer than the feet. 

I also figured out my sales table. I need to buy the crates today. Should have got them when I got the light, but I wasn't sure and I wanted to think about it a bit more. 

A lot has happened since I last wrote. My mother has dementia. Every week, on the day before trash pick up, I go to her house and throw away all the fast food bags of rotting food. This past Wednesday, before going to her house, I went to my in-laws'. 

They are hoarders. This is nothing new. What was new was the piles of trash all over the house. Instead of just emptying the trash, they gather it all in two or three places. Instead of immediately taking it out, they go sit down to 'rest.' It might be hours before they actually take out the piles of trash. But why rush? The garbage truck isn't coming until Thursday.

I stepped around three piles of trash. The house smelled. I realized hoarding is a mental health problem and at some point, my husband will be dealing with this alone because his sisters will be zero help. One of them is a hoarder. The other isn't, but she tends to stuff everything in boxes. I've found boxes that she packed with Easter candy and hair ties in the same bag. She either didn't think to put the candy in the kitchen and the hair ties in the bathroom, or she wasn't brave enough to throw those items out because 'they were still good.' That's how hoarding starts; not being able to throw trash away because it might be useful. 

Feeling overwhelmed with yet another family hoarding problem, I rushed over to my mother's house. In my rush, I forgot the screwdriver. I needed to screwdriver because I intended to take the cover off the refrigerator to clean the fan. I gave up on trying to make the fridge work. Then I realized I forgot the extra trash bags. And I couldn't find the dust pan. I didn't do much, other than throw away the food of rotting food. I noticed I had three bags of trash instead of my usual four or five. I felt like this was a sign of improvement.

At home, I started drinking. I felt really dirty. My husband was hogging our bathroom, so I couldn't shower. I sat on the couch thinking I probably smelled bad. I kept drinking and over-thinking. 

Eventually, I had an emotional meltdown. I could see the future. I don't want my husband to deal with what I am dealing with, so I never ask him for help. I cannot prevent the inevitable future. Even if my mother is doing better right now, she won't be cured. At some point, things will worsen. I am not mentally equipped to deal with this. I cannot even remember to bring a screwdriver for a chore I have been thinking about doing for a week. And then we will be doing this again, but times two. 

I started vomiting. Alcohol and emotion baggage simply do not mix. Then I started crying. 

My husband helped me. After a long crying jag and hyperventilating, he calmed me down. He isn't worried about his parents because they have been hoarders his whole life. He has accepted fate. 

The next day, I didn't do much of anything. My mind is tired. Slowly, I got back to my routine. I didn't worry about whether things got done. I just did what I could. My house is very clean. I spent a lot of time in my garden. The weather has been nice. I did majick. I journaled. 

Setbacks are going to happen. I need to remember to reset my energy so I can move on. Blessed be, my dears. Stay safe and well.