Returned Home

 On Saturday, December 28th, we found Youngest Son. It was pure chance. Someone came to our house to buy car parts. My husband started telling the story. Then the person realized they had heard this story before. 

We got the address where he was staying. He was going by a different name. We called the police. CPD has balls. They just went in the house and got him. 

We had to go pick him up from the police station. Youngest Son was sitting in the police car shaking like a leaf. I got my daughter to convince him to get out of the car and come home with us. 

He is still clinging to lies. There's lots of gaps and conflicting details in his stories. Some of it is he doesn't want to tell us, and some of it, I think, is he did so many drugs that he's no longer sure of reality. 

He had been smoking weed right before he was picked up. He smelled horrible, so my husband made him shower as soon as he got home. However, his clothes were in the house. I have a THC allergy. I had allergic reactions all night, until finally, my whole face started swelling. My throat closed and I couldn't breathe. At this point, my husband put the dirty clothes on the porch. I managed to choke down another Benadryl. And then my husband took me to Urgent Care.

I was at Urgent Care for roughly 5 hours. I only saw a nurse practitioner for three minutes. But I got a low dose steroid shot, Rx strength antihistamines, and epi pens for future emergencies. 

When I came home, half a dozen strangers were at my house.

I really did not like that. The house was unlocked, people were in and out. I have no idea if anything is missing. I don't know if anyone snooped through our things. I don't know if drug dealers came here while I was gone. I don't know what Youngest Son did while I was gone, or if he even stayed here the whole time.

I told my husband I really wasn't up to people when I had been at Urgent Care all day after nearly dying. He agreed to send people home. And those self-absorbed, clueless folks decided to 'give me space' by hanging out in the yard. It took around 45 minutes for all of them to actually leave. 

We have gotten calls, and texts, and visitors nearly nonstop. Youngest Son ran away from home on September 6, went no contact with everyone he knew, and his buddies are acting like he's been on vacation. I would be pissed off at being snubbed, but his fellow potheads have completely forgiven him. 

We have been through several emotional outbursts. I am exhausted. More friends came over last night. They didn't come in the house, but they were outside vaping, so again, I had allergic reactions. That was just rashes, but it was still hell. I am tired of being an itchy mess. I just want to live peacefully in my home. 

Middle Son has been at his aunt's house during all of this. As soon as he left, my rashes started getting better. My skin was almost clear. I was healing. I felt so much better. I started deep cleaning my house and tending my plants. I started drawing every day which is tough for me, because I don't think I am good at drawing. It wasn't great art, but it was mine and I was being creative. I felt like my life was greatly improving.

Things have been chaotic since Youngest Son's return. He seems dazed most of the time. I will call his name several times before he answers me. He wanders around the house trying to find things he left behind months ago. He leaves lights on, drops trash everywhere, and often is unable to complete the simplest of tasks. 

Both me and my husband have skipped meals because we forget to eat. I have not thought to plan dinner. I realize it has only been three days, but it seems much longer. It feels like weeks, maybe even months. We are trying to do things slowly, but people are not allowing this. We have not built up enough trust to give Youngest Son his cell phone, but his friends think we are keeping him on lock down. I asked him to make a Facebook post today so that he could contact many people at once to reassure them, while also setting some boundaries. I can't really handle hordes of people coming to my house. I might okay with two or three at a time, but his friends come here, then call other people, who then show up with more friends, one of them gets a phone calls, says they are here, then the caller wants to come over too. At least one of these so called friends lied to my husband, then tried to bring drugs to Youngest Son. Obviously, Youngest Son did not want to quit, so the temptation is great. 

I think Youngest Son may be bipolar. This problem has gone unaddressed. He's not getting help for his addictions. Somehow, he is supposed to get an education. And a job. My husband's mental state is not good. Mine isn't either. At some point, DHR is supposed to come to our house. They could take Youngest Son into custody. The deputy who was assigned to the case is supposed to question Youngest Son because he really wants to break up the drug ring and arrest some people. It's a holiday and I do not trust the police. The longer it takes them to talk to us, the more nervous I get.  

Our two oldest sons are angry. My daughter is confused. I am a bundle of raw nerves. My husband flips between relieved, sad, angry, and disappointed. Our grandchildren do not know what is going on. My daughter-in-law is pregnant and I fear this may be too much stress for her. My in-laws are pretending like nothing bad happened. My mother knows nothing because I never told her he ran away. I knew she would make the problem all about her. I knew every day she would come here and ask why we weren't looking for him, and if we got him back, she would criticize whatever we did to rebuild our lives. So I didn't tell her, and I don't think she ever realized Youngest Son was gone. 

It's a new moon in Capricorn. It is an excellent time to set the structure for the life you want. I decided I wanted some small things that made life better, like doing a facial in the middle of the day to help refresh me, or keeping lavender soap at the bathroom sink. I think I need more pillows, stained glass lamp shades, and more books to read. I probably need much more than that, but at the moment I am in survival mode and small is all I can manage. 

Blessed be, my dears. I hope in 2025 I can tell you about wonderful changes. I don't know. I'm trying. Stay safe and well.