Fuck Me Running

 My dears, it has been hell.

On Monday, Aug. 17, I took my mother to the bank, then to pay her phone bill. That was a headache. 

Monday night, I had an allergic reaction. Not only did my throat start to close, but my chest felt tight. 

Around midnight, I started vomiting. I thought it was stress. 

I was sick all day Tuesday. I did not get out of bed. I did not take insulin.

Wednesday I was still vomiting, but the vomit smelled like sugar. My husband took me to the hospital.

I stayed in ICU until late Thursday. I was having trouble swallowing.

Friday, I figured out I could eat really slowly and take small bites. Not that I really ate much. 

On Saturday, I forced myself to eat so I could go home. 

All week, I have been struggling. I think my blood pressure is now too low, because I randomly get lightheaded. I move slowly. I am tired often. 

I did make a point of cleaning off the piano, though I haven't felt like playing. I also did some gardening. I started preparing for fall/winter. While I was in the hospital, my husband and daughter completely forgot that I have plants. I only lost one, my lavender. It wasn't doing well anyway. I think the lavender needs a completely different set up. 

I did not take a picture, but I started turning the porch into a wildlife spirit resting place. It's tricky to get the energy right, since animals don't want to be on my porch. But the deer spirits aren't digging my bottle trees in the garden. Ideally, they should have a shrine in the woods. That's why this is a place for spirits to rest before moving on, rather than a cemetery. 

Today is trash day. Yesterday, I went to my mother's house to empty her trash. Since I did not go last week, she didn't bother to empty anything. Instead she tied up full trash bags, then set them on the floor next to the trash can. I asked if she needed anything. No. Do you need to go anywhere, like the bank? 

That turned into a whole complicated thing. Instead of just saying yes or no, she started telling me when she normally went to the bank, which bank she used, why do I need her checkbook, did the bank call me and complain, what checks need to be deposited, where all the checks, she doesn't get checks, she already went to the bank. 

I gave up. She wouldn't answer questions. I decided to try again today.

Around 45 minutes later, her neighbor called me because she was walking up and down the road, looking for a ride to the bank. I went back. She was in the kitchen. She denied leaving the house. She told me she doesn't need to go anywhere. 

I told her if she wants to play games, she will end up in a nursing home. She pretended not to hear this. 

I think she is mad because I already knew what happened, then I did not believe her lie. Then I didn't take her anywhere. The fact that the bank was closed by then is irrelevant. 

Blessed be, my dears. Stay safe, stay well, and stay sane. Also, I believe we should petition the Pope to make Dolly a saint.